Yuuki's First Date
by 0-MrDragon-0
Summary: So Yuuki has her first date!... But with who? *crack*
1. The Plot Begins

A/N – Well, its been quite a wee while since I posted anything so I thought I'd get this first bit of this up! It'll just carry on into the next bit once I've got that done.

Anyways! As usual, this is the next part of a kinda crack-verse version of VK, and since its part four it'd be a good idea to go back to 'The Shower Attack!' and then work on from there to get an idea of the characters.

Last bit – Thanks once again to all you guys who've been amazing reviewers! I love hearing if you enjoy my stuff. And a special shout out to _elianthos _(if you're reading this) I hope you enjoy!

* * *

**Yuuki's First Date**

One might feel, quite reasonably, that after all a certain Hunter and a certain Pureblood had suffered they would be entitled to a little bit of peace and quiet. A little bit of relaxation. A little snooze in front of the fire. Maybe even a little holiday!

However, this was not to be the case...

"WHAT!"

The peace of Cross Academy was once again broken by the angry shout of the silver-haired Hunter. This time though it was not because Aidou had made another heart-felt declaration of his love; _to_ the Hunter, the result of a game of 'truth or dare' gone badly, badly wrong. In fact, Zero still felt slightly guilty that the Noble had to go through surgery once again. Not that he would tell anyone of course!

No. The reason for the Hunter's disbelief this time was that his _*cough*_and Kaname's_*cough*_ precious little Yuuki had just declared her intention to go on a date.

* * *

With another boy.

* * *

"Zero! Stop over-reacting!" Yuuki's shrill cry was slightly muffled from her having to hang onto Zero in order to keep him from physically castrating every male in Cross Academy.

"Yuuki! You won't even tell me who you're going with!" Zero roared, still trying to shake loose of his little limpet.

"That's because you'll kill him!" Yuuki screeched back, now wrapping her legs around his waist in order to maximise clinging potential.

"I _INTEND_ TO KILL HIM!" Zero finally managed to extract himself from Yuuki's grip but only made it two strides before he heard the sound that struck terror into the hearts of males everywhere.

*sniffle* *sob*

Zero gave a silent groan and turned to face the demon that was Yuuki crying.

"B-but, Zeero-o! I-I juust want-t to-o goo-o on a d-date!"

Yuuki decided that now would be the perfect time to unleash her secret weapon, the 'Bambi Eyes'! Zero was struck physically unable to move at the sight of her sweet brown eyes, blown to twice the size, a single tear trickling down her cheek...

He could practically hear the hunter shooting Mummy deer in the background.

"Alright Yuuki, You can g-"

The Hunter didn't get to finish his sentence as Yuuki magically recovered and smothered him with her small frame, "Oh Zero! Its going to be so much fun! You'll have to help me get ready! I don't know what to wear, I'll have to get out my make-up and my nail varnish and my hair creams and..."

Zero tuned out her now suspiciously happy face and prattle until he heard the words that all men feared, "... You'll let me test my make-up on you right?"

This is an idea of Zero's thoughts in the precise second after Yuuki's evil question:

'What? She went quiet.'

'Oh no, she's looking at me, what did she say!'

'Wait... I recognise that look...'

'!'

_SCHHNKKK_

The poor Hunter didn't even get a chance to form an escape plan before Yuuki had seized his tie, tightened it round his neck and led him like a lamb to the slaughter.

Zero's last thought was:

'Not again!'

* * *

_Somewhere else in Cross Academy, not so near and not so far..._

Kaname was bored.

That was the simple way to put it. He was bored.

Aidou was off recovering from his second surgery. Kaname had only been lucky enough to avoid the same fate by using the video recording as life insurance. That same video was now being used in vampire households all over the world as an example of what would happen if the good little vampire boys and girls didn't eat their vegetables.

Apparently it was up for an Oscar...

Takuma was off with some family emergency so Kaname couldn't secretly read his manga while pretending to find it beneath his intellectual level.

Seiren was off on some mission somewhere, or was it a holiday? In either case, he couldn't even play his game of 'Sausages' to try and get her to smile.

Shiki and Rima actually had a legitimate excuse for being absent as they had work.

Kain was with Aidou.

Had he forgotten someone?

Kaname turned his head musingly onto his shoulder and turned to look soulfully out of the window.

He was sure there was someone...

Someone who was normally-

"Kaname-sama, may I be allowed to provide you with this bento I have lovingly made for you myself?" a seductive voice interrupted the Pureblood's musings and Kaname realised who he had missed.

Ruka.

Dredging up a sickeningly patient smile, he shook his head at her; hoping she would get the message.

Apparently Ruka didn't speak Kaname language because she saw the smile as an invitation and leaned in closer...

_BZZZZ_

"_you change your mind_

_like a girl changes clothes_

_yeah you PMS_

_like a bitch, i would know_

_'cause you're hot then you're cold_

_you're yes then you're no_

_you're in then you're out_

_you're up then you're down"_

Kaname and Ruka stared at each other in bewilderment, the tinny little noise was coming from... Kaname looked down to his backpack, 'oh'.

"_you're wrong when its right_

_you're black and its white"_

'OH!'

Kaname quickly grabbed his bag and pulled out a small silver mobile phone.

"_we fight, we break up_

_we kiss, we make up"_

He flipped it open and tried to avoid the looks of his classmates, "Yes Kiryuu?"

Shocked gasps echoed round the room and Ruka looked like she was on the verge of having a manic breakdown.

"Its just a suitable ringtone for Kiryuu!" Kaname roared and then proceeded into the corridor to sulk, leaving behind the shocked room of vampires. Never mind, at least he wasn't bored anymore!

* * *

Zero wasn't sure of the best course of action to take but he figured he could use an ally. An ally that was as crazily in love with Yuuki as he himself was. An ally that he could use as a shield for Yuuki's wrath.

Cue evil smirk on the Hunter's face.

An ally that was stupid enough to risk everything to keep an eye on Yuuki's date.

'Kaname'

Secretly Zero didn't want to admit that he didn't have any other friends to help him so the Pureblood would have to do.

Flipping open his mobile, Zero quickly pressed speed dial 7. He wasn't entirely sure how Kaname had actually managed to make it onto his speed dial...

Number 1 was the Chairman... because he pre-programmed it before he gave it to Zero.

Number 2 was Yuuki... for the same reason.

Number 3 was the Pizza Parlour... because no one could realistically survive the Chairman's cooking. He had learned this at a young age and kept his late night pizzas a protected secret, after all, Yuuki was a terrible food hog and if she couldn't figure it out... well... survival of the fittest!

Number 4 was Yagari-sensei... "In case you ever need some pointers about life kid. I don't expect the Chairman to be able to give you the all important life talk, or even explain the best positions to go with it..." At that point Zero had tried to shoot himself and he couldn't remember how the rest of the conversation went. The Chairman tried to convince him later that Yagari had been talking about hunting.

Number 5 was the Mental Health Service... that really didn't need any explanation, _anyone_ living Zero's life would have a few issues.

Number 6 was... well, he wasn't really going to disclose that one. Lets just say it was a number in case he ever needed to have someone removed quietly. It worked. Yagari still wasn't back.

Number 7... well, that was where the Pureblood came in. He thought they'd exchanged numbers and set ringtones at some point during the horrific 'Loveboats' scenario... but that had all become one huge blur in his mind. Sometimes he still had nightmares and he had developed a violent twitch of the eye whenever someone started singing the Titanic theme tune.

Zero could feel his eye beginning to convulse at the mere thought, "Come on Kuran! Pick up already!" He huffed loudly as the ring tone continued.

_Click _

"Yes Kiryuu?"

"Finally! What the heck took you so lo-" Zero was cut off at the sound of Kaname yelling something at the vampires. Next was a door slamming and then Kuran back on the phone.

"Is there something so urgently wrong Kiryuu that you had to phone me during class?"

Kaname sounded miffed and Zero couldn't resist a smirk, "Oh my! The great and mighty Kuran having to leave class-"

"Did you have problems with the lavatory door again?"

Zero's smirk changed to a scowl, "We _talked _about that Kuran! Specifically the 'NEVER TO MENTION AGAIN BIT!'"

"Someone's PMSing tonight!"

Kuran sound entirely too pleased with himself so Zero decided to burst the bubble, "Yuuki's going on a date. With a boy. And I don't know who."

"-"

"Kuran?"

"Kuran?"

Zero's only warning was the whoosh of air before he found himself hoisted from the ground and choked by a very angry Pureblood.

It was safe to say that Kaname no longer had any thoughts of being bored.

* * *

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YUUKI'S GOING ON A DATE?"

"Schhnnnkkk! Ugggggkkk! Iiiccckkk!"

Speech was proving difficult for the silver-haired hunter as he dangled a foot above the ground, supported only by the Pureblood's hand, wrapped around his throat.

Thankfully Kaname seemed to realise that killing his best source of information wouldn't really help the situation, or Yuuki's affections towards him. Besides, something of more importance had approached his attention...

"Kiryuu, are you wearing... make-up?"

* * *

Kaname had never been happier that mobile phones had developed camera capabilities, this was even better than the 'toilet door' incident!

* * *

It was also fortunate that the Pureblood had learned from Aidou's pain and had been doing extra training since that day in order to avoid permenant bodily harm by the Hunter.

* * *

Eventually though, the Hunter stopped trying to strangle the Pureblood with his tie while chewing at his wrist in an attempt to gain the afore-mentioned offending camera phone, and they both set their minds to the greater situation at hand.

"A date!" the Pureblood had passed the denial/anger/bargaining stages and was now at depression.

"Yes Kuran." the Hunter had had plenty of time while Yuuki experimented(tortured) on him to reach acceptance.

"A Date!"

Zero felt his eye start to twitch at the Pureblood's whining tone, "YES Kuran, a Date!"

" A DATE!"

"YES KURAN! A FRIGGIN' DATE!"

But surprisingly the Pureblood didn't react to Kiryuu's shout, "She's, really... going on a date... without one of US!"

Zero sighed and replied in a slightly more subdued tone, "Yeah Kaname. No us." Wringing his hands in his lap, Zero reminded himself that he had _accepted_ this, _accepted_ this!

"That is unacceptable!"

Zero snorted at the Kaname's indignant tone, "Um, in case you didn't notice Kuran, we don't exactly get a _say_ in this! Its Yuuki's decision."

Kaname fixed a glaring eye on the Hunter, "Excuse me!" Zero looked up in surprise, "We have _NO _say! We haven't dedicated our lives to making sure our precious petal gets only the best! Is protected from every hardship! Is not so much as allowed to _LOOK _at another boy without the special services being called in! And your sitting here telling me she's on a DATE! AND YOU'RE OKAY WITH THIS!"

At some point during his tirade Kaname had risen from the ground and now stood with his fist clenched towards the sky, an expression of extreme determination (or constipation, Kiryuu wasn't exactly sure which) painted on his face.

"LOOK AT YOU! GIVING YUUKI UP WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT! MOPING WHILE YOU SHOULD BE OUT THERE KILLING! SLAUGHTERING THAT GUY WHO THOUGHT HE COULD TAKE _OUR_ YUUKI! RIPPING! SLICING! GUTTING! BITING! KNAWIN-!"

*slap*

A well placed slap ended the tyrannical Pureblood's tirade but his words, however manically worrying, had ignited the fire in the Hunter and he screamed back,

"OKAY! LETS DO IT!"

*slap*

Even-stevens the Pureblood figured.

* * *

A/N – Thats all for now! Hopefully there won't be too long a wait if you want to read the next bit!

MrDragon


	2. The Plot Thickens

Ooops! Didn't mean for this next instalment to take quite so long! Moving half-way across the world somehow meant that I became busy _

Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed the first part, and all my older stories, its great to hear that you're still enjoying what I do!

Hope you enjoy!

* * *

"Would you hurry up Kuran! It doesn't take all night to put on a suit and brush your hair!"

As with every time he dealt with the Pureblood, Zero was finding his patience being severely tested and had to repeat several times his '50 Best Ways to Kill Kaname' plans.

After the impromptu game of 'Slapsies' the two vampires had decided that the best way to find out who Yuuki's date was (and kill him) was to follow Yuuki and her date ("From here on out Kiryuu to be known as 'That Stupid Son Of A B***** Who Dared To Try And Steal _Our_ Yuuki And Who Will Die Painfully And Slowly As A Result'! Or TSSOABWDTTASOYAWWDPASAAR for short." *face palm* "Kuran, save the gene-pool and don't _ever _have kids.") and thereby solve all their problems.

Kaname had even called Seiren on her special holiday to ask for a poison recipe that would ensure the TSSOABWDTTASOYAWWDPASAAR would die a slow, painful, and melting death.

Then they would try and convince Yuuki it was food poisoning.

"Kura-"

Zero was cut off as the door opened into his face and glared at the Pureblood who looked _exactly_ the same as he had when he entered the bathroom.

Kaname merely raised an eyebrow and motioned the Hunter into the bathroom, "Don't be ridiculous Kiryuu, perfection such as mine does not _need _adjusting. I was actually preparing the solution to dye your hair."

*SLAM*

Kaname just managed to shut the door before the Hunter made a desperate bid for freedom. The fact that Zero was looking more and more battered from various chokings, slappings, and face-door slammings didn't seem to bother him.

* * *

"Kaname! I don't need my hair dyed! No no no No No No NO NO NO!"

But the Pureblood had a firm grip on the silver hair and seemed pretty determined to get it to the sink, even if the rest of the body attached to the hair didn't make it.

* * *

10 minutes later and the Prefect was sitting miserably as Kaname rubbed the brown dye solution into his rapidly disappearing silver locks.

"It _is_ essential Kiryuu! Your hair is pretty easy to spot, and despite however dense Yuuki is in most situations, I _think_ she might be able to guess it was you! And that would be the end of our food poisoning plot, she'd _know_ it was something to do with us!"

The silver-haired, ahem, I mean, until recently silver-haired prefect could only whimper in despair as his precious hair was slowly turned to the exact shade of Kuran's.

Which... really begged the question...

"Kuran, _why _do you have hair dye in the first place?"

"Thats really none of your business Kiryuu."

"..."

"Kuran. What colour is your hair normally?"

"..."

_*Schoosh!*_

Zero found himself being forced head-first into the sink of water but he wasn't going to let his potentially deadly situation deter him.

"Kuran, I asked-"

"Shut-up Kiryuu!"

_*Schoosh!*_

"What-!"

_*Schoosh!*_

"-colour-"

_*Schoosh*_

"-is your-"

_*Schoosh*_

"-hair-!"

_*Schoosh*_

The prefect had finally had enough and gave Kaname his best, if slightly water-logged, evil glare, "_Tell_ me Kuran or you're doing this on your own!"

* * *

When you're stuck between a rock and a hard place its sometimes best just to give in and let the wind take you where it will. At least, that was Kaname's attempted philosophical spin on the situation. But he knew that once the prefect knew his secret he would never live it down...

* * *

"Ginger."

* * *

Perhaps 2 months ago the Night class might have been vaguely surprised to hear the sound of Kiryuu's maniacal laughter ringing throughout the grounds of Cross Academy, but now it was no longer considered strange to hear either the Prefect or Kaname-sama.

On the other hand, the supply teacher was already mentally packing her bags and deciding how best to escape the Academy without running into its crazy Chairman.

* * *

"GINGER! GINGER! _GINGER!_"

The Pureblood could feel the blood vessels pulsing dangerously at his temple and he was trying to remind himself of all the good reasons why he couldn't strangle the prefect.

On second thoughts, there really were no good reasons why he shouldn't strangle the prefect.

*UUUUGGGKKKKHHH*

* * *

What occurred next was too graphic to describe...

But luckily for Kiryuu, and the rest of this story, shaving foam, the toilet brush, and a pink rubber ducky were all within easy reach.

Unluckily for Kaname, Zero had figured out that mobile's were not only good for taking incriminating pictures, but also for recording incriminating announcements.

* * *

"Even-stevens! Hey! Even-stevens!"

Zero perched precariously on the shower rail, which was groaning rather ominously, and attempted to ward off the Pureblood with the toilet brush.

"I'll KILL YOU Kiryuu!"

*Poke*

"I'll RIP out your INSIDES first!"

*Prod*

"I will TEAR you to SHREDS!"

*Jab*

"ARRRGHHH!"

*Stab*

"AGGGH!"-"UHHH!"

* * *

Since shower rail's were not usually product tested to hold heavy weight it is completely unsurprising that this shower rail eventually collapsed under the Zero's weight. And it is also completely unsurprising that Zero looked for the softest place to land. Which just happened to be on top of a rather angry Pureblood.

"My chiropractor is going to kill you Kiryuu."

"Mmhmm. Thats nice. Kuran... why do you have a pink ducky?"

*Slap*

* * *

Surprisingly, both the Prefect and the Pureblood managed to extract themselves from the shower rail without any further incidents and were finally on their way to sabotage Yuuki's date.

"How do you know where she is?"

"I _told _you Kuran! She _told _me this afternoon."

"I think you should have kept the eye-liner... it really made your eyes stand out."

...

"If you keep doing that Kiryuu you're going to pull all your hair out."

The Night class sitting downstairs on lunch break had decided long ago that selective hearing was the only way to progress up the evolutionary ladder, and so ignored the unlikely pair as they made their way to Kaname's car.

* * *

"I told you NOT the limousine KURAN!"

* * *

Perhaps if either Kiryuu or Kuran had known how the night would turn out they might have turned around as soon as they reached the restaurant.

But they didn't know what was going to occur that night and so they only looked with vague trepidation at the sign outside the restaurant that read:

"**COUPLES NIGHT!"**

Both the vampires were surprisingly used to being assumed to be a couple anyway. _Why_, Kiryuu couldn't imagine...

And they were ready to do whatever it took to protect their Yuuki-flower, even if it meant,

"Kiryuu, give me your hand."

"_What!_" Zero hissed in an undertone as they stood in the queue, surrounded by blissfully happy couples using excessive PDA.

"We need to look like a couple Kiryuu! Give me your freaking hand!"

A few people around the two vampires were starting to give them funny looks so Kiryuu decided to go along with the Pureblood for once...

Just once!

"Kaname. Whys your hand all wet?"

"... That's my moisturiser Kiryuu."

"..."

"Would you like some?"

"..."

"I already told you that you'll have no hair left by the time you're twenty at this rate! Imagine what you're doing to your roots!"

At this point they made it into the restaurant and Kaname became more interested in searching for their beloved little starling.

"HAHAHHAHHAHA!"

Both vampires winced as Yuuki's screeching laugh penetrated their ear-drums.

"Kuran, why are we so obsessed over Yuuki again?"

Kaname gave Kiryuu a glare and began a hand squeezing competition, "_Because_ Kiryuu, Yuuki is everything sweet and light and good in this world! She is the morning breeze, she is the star-crusted night. Her every breath is like the morning dew caressing the misted mountains and her every tear is like the delicate blossoms floating to earth. She loves unconditionally and irrevocably. To hold her heart is to hold the most precious jewel on this earth. Love with her can never die and our souls will be forever enjoined and intertwined. We will exist past time and eternity, and our hands will forever leave their mark on this earth. People will read of our love and will weep for the sheer purity of it. We will have children! And our lasting legacy will be our love!-"

"Kuran, people are staring."

Indeed, the girls surrounding the two vampires were gazing at Kaname starry-eyed and one was even moved to tears.

The boyfriends on the other hand were looking distinctly murderous.

"You're so lucky! I would _kill _to have a boyfriend who loved me like that!"

Fortunately Zero was too busy choking on his own spit to give the game away so Kaname smoothly interjected, "Of course! I just love my little schmootum sooo much!"

"WE'RE NOT- mfffmhm"

Kaname quickly wrapped his arm around Zero and gripped him vice-like against his side.

"Like I said, I just _love_ my little schmootum!"

"Mhffmm!"

"Excuse me?" the waitress was looking at the unusual pair slightly cautiously, "Do you have a booking?"

...

"Ahhh."

...

Of course, things like table bookings were not a problem for the Pureblood. He simply charmed the waitress into giving them a free table while a slightly ruffled Zero stood by and watched. And the girls who had previously been so impressed with Kaname were now giving the Pureblood vicious glares while attempting to console the, apparently, left over Prefect.

Needless to say, Zero didn't find it difficult to dissuade them from this task.

* * *

"You see Kiryuu! A perfect table!"

"Except that you can't _SEE_ who she's on the date with!"

* * *

Yes, Kuran had managed to get a table. It was just a bit unfortunate that that table happened to be the only one in the restaurant who's view of Yuuki's table was blocked by a giant fern.

"Never mind that Kiryuu! He's gone off to the bathroom! Find some way to distract Yuuki while I put the poison in his food!"

* * *

Yes. The plot had begun.

* * *

A/N Sorry for it being another short update, but hopefully this will tide you over while I keep writing the next bit.

As always, I appreciate your feedback!

P.S. Gingers are people too. This chapter is in no way meant to be Gingerist. I'm sure Kaname would look soulfully melancholic whatever the colour of his hair...


End file.
